Thursday, May 3, 2012

THE BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING- SHAADI BARBAADI!

Hello Males and Maals ;)


How have you been?  Did you recently thank God for my disappearance?  *tch tch* Ever heard of the phrase- Haste makes waste! Sorry, but I am back :)
Wedding in the family kept me busy. No, I am not a 'vella' otherwise! I, being the elder 'bahu' of the khandaan, was overloaded with responsibilities. Err....No, I did not goof up :D


Weddings in Delhi are a GRAND affair. Trust me, it would put all the Bollywood movies  to shame including "Hum aapke hain kaun"  which completely revolved around a wedding!
Wedding in my family is no less. You think I had fun!?! Ghanta!!



These few days were only about food, parties, mehendi, dance, shopping, parlour sessions, guests, gifts from guests, more dance and more and more food! And the after affects are loose motions and sore legs :(  But amazing fun it was!!


One more thing about weddings are sharing of rooms. Because of unlimited guests, rooms are sacrificed by the family members for the comfort of guest. Luckily, I was spared!


But something happened!  :O


                               SEXUAL  ASSAULT  :O


Relax!!! There is no need to panic! 
When I said I didn't have to share my room with the guests, I refused. Out of courtesy, baba! I mean, its rude when everyone is doing the same and you are acting as a VIP. So I decided to sleep with the maals.
But my man was unaware of this change. He slept early that night. Around midnight, he started feeling cold. Instead of switching the AC off, he started to snatch the blanket. Tried thrice but failed! 
In the end, he just entered that blanket.
Inside the blanket, he heard a scream. It belonged to my brother-in-law :D. 
He was shocked not to see me there. Next morning, he was charged for an attempt to rape :D.
And the perfect song for the situation- "Bed pe soya tha behnoi, main tanne samajh ke so gaya, mujko rani ji maaf karna, galti mahre se ho gaya :D"


As I said earlier, weddings are a grand affair. The venue of the wedding was a farmhouse. Because the wedding was in the open, we decided to book two vanity vans, just in case if there were shortage of rooms.
Something happened there also!


                            ALMOST KIDNAPPED :O


It was around 2 in the midnight. My man decides to take a small nap. He enters the van. But the small nap turned out to be a "Kumbhakaran's sleep".
He wakes up because of some movement. He is shocked to see that the van is moving! On approaching the driver, he too was shocked to see someone in the van! 
The thing is the van was booked for 12 hours. After its schedule was over, the van decided to leave. But took my man along :(
Poor guy (I mean the driver) had to come back and drop my man to the marriage venue!


Well, this is something that took place in this wedding. Now something about my wedding :) :D


                              STEALING THE SHOES!


My wedding was the first wedding in my family. Everyone decided to have loads and loads of fun. My siblings and cousins were busy making different kinds of plans.
Now let me tell you something! All my brothers and sisters are naughty, VERY naughty. (I heard you! They are exactly like me.) They did live up to their plans. 
They added salt in the ice-cream, added stone in the pan, coins in laddus, and what not! Same stuff you see in movies took place over there. 
It was time to steal the groom's shoes. On seeing the smartness of my siblings, they acted smart and mixed groom's shoes with everyone else's. But, my siblings stole everyone else's shoes too :D (whoever was present there!)
They could not digest the fact that we were smart than them. Out of revenge, they stole my sandals!
Not only this, they chose the vanity van to hide it! When I was called for "pheras", I said I couldn't go. Everyone was SHOCKED! I told them that my sandals were stolen. When the thieves (groom's friends and siblings) were asked to bring them, they found that the van has left the venue :O.
The van was called back again and the "pheras" were delayed for two good hours! :D


There are many such incidents, but some other time about them. May be, the day when you are bestowed with the power of bearing me :D
Still let me share one more incident. (Last! Pukka wala promise :D)


                        EARLY MORNING'S FIRST POOP :P


Don't go with the name! Its not as dirty as you think it to be. This incident took place after my marriage, the day I had to cook my first meal. I decided to make Chinese.  One of the dishes I cooked was 'Chilly paneer'. I was expecting lots of compliments (specially from my man) as I happen to be a good cook :D. But-


MAN- Is there any way these spring onions can come out of chilly paneer?
ME-  *blank expression*
MAN- I don't like spring onions!
ME-
Inside my head-
                                    Come in the room bacchu, You will cry without onions!


Walking away and muttering under my breath-
                                                                                                      Koi baat nahi! Kal subah apne aap nikal jayega!  (Don't worry! Tomorrow early morning, it will come out on its own!)


The sentence I was muttering under my breath was heard by one and all :/
And one and all includes around 30 elder ones of my family! :O


My family still reminds me of this! :| Awesome wala impression I made over there of "Nayi naweli dulhan"! But I was relieved when I found that everyone was laughing with their hands on their stomach and water in their eyes *phew*! 


P.S.  I am really very sorry for this long gap and even more sorry for not commenting on your posts! *Holding both my ears and doing sit-ups*  I tried to take out time and read and comment also. But still, no excuses! I am sorry.
P.P.S. Until you are bestowed with the power of bearing with me, please try to bear with me (without those powers) :D











50 comments:

  1. CD !!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

    Loved this post. see your post and the friday and the impending long weekend :) wowie !
    you sure have had a lot of fun ya. And your wedding sounds so much fun.
    "apne aap nikal jayega" - heheheheheheheehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
    You stay in Delhi, wow ! I know the weddings are super grand :) But who's complaining when there is so much fun, no?
    Your man is like double jinxed, tee hee !
    And what a picture of the love and arranged marriage - wow !

    Pagal hi kya? - ji bilkul. aur bahut jaldi aap iski wajah honge :P
    Haan, woh compliment tha :))

    Now, you better write more, okie?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Toffeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! :)

      hehe.....I dint even notice this but I am glad to have fulfilled your wish :)
      Amazing fun! hehe.....I have no idea how everyone heard it!
      Exactly! I enjoy instead of complaining :D

      hehe.....Not exactly jinxed but he is attracted to troubles. I guess, that is why he is married to me :D

      It is exactly the thing, isn't it?

      You found your answer?? I am glad and I will be honoured to be the reason for your madness :D

      Aye aye Captain :D :)

      Delete
  2. ha ha... I am laughing so hard I just fell off the bed and my son is thinking I am mad... :) perfect big fat indian wedding experience...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe :D
      Kids these days, I tell you- It takes a lot of time for them to recognise their parents!! :D

      And madam, Are you getting the updates of my post now??

      Delete
    2. Jas,

      CD just called you mad. CD, you are toh! ufffffffff :) One cutie only re.

      hehhehehehehe - kids these days it seems.

      Delete
    3. :O :O Jas, I would never do that!!
      o:) See, I am mad, Toffee is mad, everyone who reads from here is not but not you :D :P

      Delete
  3. A little something to make you happy....http://titli15081977.blogspot.in/2012/05/happy-as-clam.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coming right there My princess! :)

      Delete
  4. Oh gosh!!!! xD :P (This was my first reaction ;) ! )
    You belong to a superb family ma'am ! :D
    (And as far as I think,you have some past debts with vanity vans :P )
    Oh LOL,you always make me laugh!
    Heheh that moment, when you said, GHANTA :P :P
    Let's make a short movie on this topic! What say ? ;) :)
    Keep writing, you always have surprises that amaze me! :)

    P.S : Somehow, me too, haven't been able to blog, I'll come up with something non-sense in a while :P ! (Btw, saying sorry sounds very awkward haan :P )

    P.P.S : I am always ready :D , though I see that your original dialogue has changed a quite ! :P Me liking it! :D :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Over-reaction :D :P
      hehe.....I know :D Thanks :)
      (I think the same :/)
      hehe.....I try! I am glad I succeed :)
      Sure! I am game! Tell me how, what, when....everything!
      Sure :)

      P.S. Come back soon babe, missing your posts :( Ah! You don't have to be sorry! Just be back :)

      P.P.S. Change is good, no? :D

      Delete
  5. Lol I usually avoid attending weddings as a rule coz I find them extreeeeeeemely boring..bt now after reading this post I have an insane urge to attend one asap :D
    never thought marriages could be this fun :P

    p.s love the way you write :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Weddings are actually "extreeeeemely" boring but its the company that matters! I mean- Imagine if all friends of your group or your crush was at a wedding, would you hesitate to attend it, huh??
      And how can you forget the free food man! Ah! Isn't that awesome!
      Few weddings, I repeat FEW are fun!

      P.S. Thank you and I love your space too :)

      Delete
  6. Hahaha.. seems like u had a lotta fun :)

    Sooperb description.. glad u had fun, CD!!! :)

    Nice to hv u back, CD..:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yupp! Had lots of fun!
      Thanks :)

      Delete
  7. LOLOL...looks like you had a fun-packed wedding..
    more masala than Bollywood ishtyle weddings, as you put it :-))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! Yes, more masala than the Bollywood movies :D

      Delete
  8. Lovely, funny post!! Wow so much fun n masti was had in the wedding aint it??

    LOL on the "Sexual Assault" part and ROFL on "Kumbhakaran's sleep".
    Just like how mu hubby does... Will be looking frwd for more of ur posts from now on..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much :)
      All men are same, aren't they! :D

      Delete
  9. OOhh!!! This was hilarious. Awesomely funny :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. The first diagram involving man and the well, was very informative. Someone had such an insight to create that art work, speaks loads in itself! Sorry, but that piece of exemplary toon just stole the thunder from your writing :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe.....Google rocks! And its okay- post nahi toh image sahi! You liked atleast something na! :D

      Delete
  11. I started laughing at "males and maals" and didn't stop till "apne aap nikal aayegi" :P Damn you woman, I have water coming out of my eyes and nose after laughing so hard :D

    Btw, have you met Suruchi? You remind me of her :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to see you here PeeVee! :)

      hehe.....Thanks!

      Ofcourse, I have read from Suruchi! God! Her posts are HILARIOUS!! I love her blog but she doesn't write anymore :(

      Thanks for visiting!
      Thanks for vis

      Delete
  12. HAHAHAAHAAA> Glad I read you in the morning. [10am IS morn in summer vacation]
    Your wedding experiences are so much close to what tends to happen in my families. So all the more hilarious!
    Also, you are only lucky "bahu" id your in-law family just laughed 'the first poop' off. :D
    Keep writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe......Lucky girl! No summer vacation for me :( And if you have vacations, why the hell have you stopped writing!
      hehe....Thanks!
      Trust me, that was my lucky day! :D
      You too keep writing! :)

      Delete
  13. This was really hilarious!! My first stop at your blog! And I should say, you got that killer wit!

    ReplyDelete
  14. wait hold on HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H AHA AH

    ooooh HA HA HA AHA HAH

    ok now let me catch my breadth

    (after one minute).. what a hilarious post .. thank you for the laughs .. I loved the song bed pe soya tha behnoi he he he he .. Thank god it was just that .. imagine ... na na na cant imagine that :)


    and just holding ears would have been enough for me .. sit up kuch zayada nahin ho jayega ... he he hehe


    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe.....Thanks Bikram for so many 'hahahas' :D

      Oh Yes! Thank God it was only just that! Otherwise I am not even good at dialouges like "Haaye, main lutt gayi! main barbaad ho gayi!" :D

      Oh! Faltu mein exercise kari maine toh! huh!

      Delete
  15. Wow!!! Very very very hilarious :D
    "Koi baat nahi! Kal subah apne aap nikal jayega!" LOL......
    And what's with weddings in your family & the vanity vans!!!Why do they have to kidnap someone or something?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Techie2mom! Thanks :)
      hehe....I can't believe everyone actually heard that :D
      Oh! Don't even ask! Experiences have not been very good!

      Delete
  16. Hai raaam...yeh kya ho gaya :0 :0 :0

    CD!! I did not get your new post notification at all...I thought I will come here and torture you to write a post sooner or later and what do I see..your post - 6 days old and still not showing in my reader :(

    Lagta hai Google walon ki band bajani padegi....let me know the name and contact number of the band which played in this wedding okie ;)

    Chalo, to ab mudde ki baat karte hai...

    Soooopppperr LOL post this is...What titles re...Sexual Assault, Kidnapping, wah wah...

    I have for the first time come to know ke vanity van ka bhi concept hota hai :D

    Spring onions.... :D :D :D :D :D

    Pagalpanti to banti hai jab hum milte hai CD ke kisso se :P

    -Visha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hai raaam! Aur maine socha that might be Visha read and she must not have liked or maybe she doesn't have anything to comment on it.
      Ah! Sure! And we shall dance on the tunes of that band, okay? Okay!
      Now, mudde ki baat-

      hehe......The titles and the description have the similarities, no?
      Aree yar......These Delhi people na, jo na kare kamm hain! :D
      hehe.....I wonder if they were out of his stomach or not! :P
      hehe....Afterall, pagalpanti bhi zaroori hain :D

      Delete
  17. Oye CD,

    How is it that I cannot see your email id? mujhe email karna hai bas aise hi :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe....Toffee!! It is because maybe it is hidden :D
      Aree....kar na email but only love letter, thik hain na!

      condusedpagal@gmail.com

      Delete
  18. Waah, just when I was wondering where all the randomness suddenly disappeared - lo and behold I read you.

    Apne Aap nikal Jayega was legen-waitforit-dary and glad that you had Masti while you were away, now get back to giving us our regular doses of your posts.

    Cheers :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look who's here! Your visit is nothing less that a surprise, ofcourse, a pleasant one :)

      hehe......What on earth was I thinking when I said this! :D
      Thanks and cheers :)

      Delete
  19. bwahahhahahhahah .... phew, this was one freaking HILARIOUS post ... by the power bestowed in me (err, sum power), id want to award you with the "lmao award" *drumrolls please* .

    Honestly, i donot relate with rants, but i was hooked on to every word right from the hello males and maals (laughs again)... to the im sorry pic. The initial Picture showing love and arranged marriage was a hilarious one too. :D

    And then reading further with the Rape (gasp .. reading on.. oh.. hehhe...gagagaga ...bwahhahahah)

    kidnap (expecting something hilarious, and laughs again . turns to look at my poor puppy's expresion, and goes back to reading it)

    I loved the idea of coin in ladoo etc,and the bit about prooving to be smarter than the bride's family (ugghh), can totally relate to it. :D .. But the highlight was stealing all the shoes, and the phere being delayed by 2 hours (tch tch)

    and the finale ... u nailed it ..:D ... subah nikal jayegi :P ...;)... btw u r lucky to have an awesoem family, who laughed it out :D..:P ..

    oopsie, this is yturning out to be another post of sorts, but i had to had , had to tell you all this, cz like i said earlier, i cannot stand rants, but thi sone... AWEFABTASTIC and absonfreakinlutely hilarious read.

    P:S - (sigh aur bhi hain).. Thankyou for getting me here... :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OhmiGod OhmiGod!!! Yay!!! Award!! *dhinka ckika dhinka chika yay yay ya* :D You made my day! :)

      Rants- A BIG NO! And pictures- Google Rocks!

      hehe.......Surprise package na:D

      hehe.....Poor Dog! Must be thinking that you have gone crazy!

      I have many more such ideas, you need help, I am there :D

      haha....Everyone remembers this till today! :P and Yupp, a truly awesome family :)

      You have all the rights to post an entire blogpost here! I recently gave this right in my previous post :D
      Thank you so so so much!! :)

      P.S. Aur tha toh likhna tha na! Aww....My pleasure and I am so glad you liked this :) :)

      Delete
  20. I hate marriages. Cant stand the clothes, the music, the people. nothing! :D
    Your incidents did make a hilarious read :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well.....I don't hate them, but I don't really like them too but the funda is- If you can't avoid it, Enjoy it! So thats what I tried to do and Yeah, I did enjoy :)

      Thanks Philo! Your comment makes my day :)

      Delete
  21. Likeevery other post of urs, 'hilarious' kaafi nai hai to explain..!
    I felt you are literally in front of me,, and goin on blah blah blah...that is what it feels when one reads your pagalpanti! (honestly I do have the after a roller coaster ride wala hangover after reading your post)..! bole toh maza aya yaar..and the shaadi wala ideas.. im goin to try it in the very next wedding in family!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehe......I am actually a chatterbox! :D
      You shouldy try this for sure! And for any new ideas- Contact me :D
      Thank you so much sweety! :)

      Delete
  22. You're a full on filmy keeda and well you're family's the same breed. What AWESOME FUN!!! I almost felt like I anted to be part of it all.. the masti, the time pas, the joy, every bit... U n ur hubby are mashallah SOMETHING HA! ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey CS! So good to see you here back! Long time na!

      Filmy keeda....err...No way! We are original :P
      hehe....Thank you thank you! :D
      You are invited to the next wedding in my family, whenever it is :D

      Delete
  23. Pagal hain kya? :o
    Nahi honge toh bhi ho jayengey :D :D
    I'm friends with CD :D :D I wonder where'z DVD :P
    Hilarious,I'm wondering about your 'Nayi Naveli Dulhan' wala EXPRESSION! *GRIN*

    ReplyDelete
  24. Pagal hain kya? :D :P :)
    Really!!!! Yayyyyy!
    hehe......CD and DVD :P
    Oh God! I was praying to Mother Earth to swallow me immediately! You can think of the proper expression now! :D

    ReplyDelete
  25. ha ha ....just too good :)
    enjoyed reading it

    ReplyDelete